Flo-manda,
I have always had a... let's call it unique... relationship with food. Growing up I didn't think about how much I ate or what I was eating (what kid does?), but I can remember my grandmother telling me all the time that I wasn't eating because I was hungry, I was eating because I was bored. I really resented it at the time, but as I've aged I realize she was right.
At what point in my life, or in any of our lives, did I start finding food as an acceptable alternative to doing anything else when bored? Food is inherently satisfying; our bodies are designed to love food. I guess it was an essential pleasure in that way, and I can't find another way to think of food. It's fucking delicious. I love eating.
I also have a past of resenting the way fat people are portrayed in the media. I still have this resentment. We're often dehumanized, reduced to negative stereotypes, and rarely portrayed as full, lively characters. I have spent much of my life working to reduce that stereotype- to be that full, lively character. There's a young adult book I read last year called Looks by Madeline George that's about a fat girl, and I remember this scene where she got really upset, ran to the woods with a backpack full of junk food, and shoved it all down her gullet. I was livid about this scene when I first read the book. It reinforced the stereotype that all fat kids shove rice krispie treats down their throats when upset. And, moreover, run away to the woods to do so. Because such an act would be shameful if done in one's living room. I've reflected about this scene since, and I'm much less bothered by it than I was initially. How many times have I emotionally ate? Fuck, all the damn time. And I've sure as hell snuck food at night, or any other time. I remember eating hand fulls of chips in my parents' pantry as quietly as possible so they wouldn't hear me in the living room. The real issue I have with the media's portrayal of fat people is that I'm terrified that those people really aren't stereotypes. That those people are me. And I sure as hell don't want to be those people. And I don't see myself as those people; I truly don't believe my future involves me eating hand fulls of Doritos in the pantry.
I started eating better and exercising because I wanted to meet someone and fall in love with someone, and, well, that's hard to do as a fat dude. People judge me because of my fat, but I have to be honest with myself and remember that I'm not attracted to fat people either. If I weren't me, I sure as hell would not be attracted to me. That's the thing that made me so happy for you when you described how you've become so in love with your body. I cannot fathom thinking I look good. That's some serious self-confidence shit I've got to get over. Once I love myself, someone else can love me too.
So this all stems from the fact that, this morning, I watched the aforementioned Forks Over Knives. I enjoyed it quite a lot. I wouldn't say I had a critical eye while watching it, but I needed to be convinced. Now, you know me, I don't eat a ton of meat anyway, but I was skeptical of the idea that a plant based diet would actually reverse disease. I wanted to be convinced of it in comparison to what would simply be a low fat/low calorie diet. I don't know if I was ever given that conviction in total, but it certainly made a compelling argument. And, like any documentary, there's a bias; the filmmakers want us to feel a certain way about the subject in question. And, of course, they should do that. It's what makes good films, especially documentaries. I had two main thoughts while watching it and after watching it:
1) It wouldn't be all that much of a stretch for me to do this. Like I said, I don't really eat a lot of meat anyway- essentially I'd have to eat things that weren't chicken. The part that would likely be the hardest would be cutting out diary- I do love cheese. I've been eating less of it recently because of the diet I've been on, but I know I'd have to work to do that. I am not saying I'm going to go completely vegan; I don't think that's necessary for me. But there's no reason I can't focus on doing better with eating this whole food/plant based diet. Without knowing it, much of my diet this year has already encompassed this. For instance, I was already planning on making these for dinner at some point this week, and it wouldn't be at all difficult to veganize them by using vegan "cheese" or just omitting it altogether. I'll be honest, I'll be using the vegan cheese. I know I've had some vegan "cheese" before and it was... fine... but I think that's just something to accept. And the positives clearly outweigh the negatives.
I actually have to give you some more credit, aside from simply being a badass human being and an awesome friend. Before you came around I didn't really consider my diet at all. I sort of liked cooking, but I didn't really consider what I was eating. Just hanging out with you made me actually consider it, and I like to think that, generally speaking, I'm a pretty healthy cook when I'm cooking at home. So thanks for that, lady!
2) I thought of my parents, especially my mother, the entire time I watched this. My parents are attempting the Atkins diet for the second time (that I know of) right now, and I know they just spent a shit ton of money on food for it. My mom's been reading up on it, and dad's ready to jump in. As you know my mom suffers from Systemic Mastocytosis. She takes an incredible amount of medicine for it, and she doesn't take an incredible amount of medicine for it that she could take because they spend an incredible amount of money on the incredible amount of medicine she does take.
Does it seem to easy to simply suggest to my mother to become vegan?
I don't think she'd do it, although I remember you saying you didn't think your father would be swayed by the film either and he was. And I know money is tight for them, as it is for me, and considering they just spent this crazy amount of money on Atkins friendly groceries, I'm hesitant to approach them immediately. But, really, the time is now, right? I don't know- I'll have to think on this some more.
Anyway, I really enjoyed the film because, if anything, it made me think a lot. And that's always a good thing.
Here's to less jelly to jiggle in my future,
nodnarB
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