Your Herp is My Derp

Dear Brandon,

I don't know how I feel about you sharing that picture on the world wide interwebs, but I'm also halfway through my second cider and I just don't give a care. (See what I did there? I censored myself. I very easily could have said that I don't give a shit or a fuck or a nutsack or a scrotum, but I fucking censored myself. You know, in case your prim and proper mother decides to read this shit.)

Moving on... It's Valentine's Day, at least for another half hour, so I'm going to make you be my bitch valentine. This means I should say some mushy stuff about and to you, so here's what I can muster up, on the spot.

* I count you as one of my closest friends. There are a very select few people that I label as such. This makes you an instant awesome head. (A what?!)

* You are the reason I love Robyn so much. And for that, I will always be thankful. (But you are still her #1 fan. Hands down. No contest.)

* You sing to me on my voicemail. You are the only one who does that.

* You also sing to me LIVE! on the phone, and I also appreciate that.

* You appreciate my misheard lyrics, puns, crass fucking language, and other crazy antics.

* We share a love of '90s pop hits. I don't know anyone else who appreciates that generation's music the way you do, nor do I know ANYONE ELSE who remembers so many lyrics from such hits. (You, sir, have a gift. A GIFT!!!)

* You laughed a lot when I said "up to my tits," and that made me laugh a lot, too.

* And really, your laugh is great!

* And speaking of laughing, I love the way we can run a joke into the ground, AND BEYOND.

* You're fascinated by asparagus pee, and that is amusing.

* You're passionate about the written word, and about fostering that love in today's youth, which is also totally awesome.

* You've kept in touch with me better than anyone else back in ol' STJOMO. Not that I ever doubted we would lose touch, but the fact that our friendship has remained so strong and current (for lack of a better word) means so very much to me. This blog is further proof of our rock steady friendship. [Enter whatever No Doubt song you wish from that album] One day we'll get that podcast goin'!

So, there ya go. Happy Valentime's!